BANGOR, Maine — Although some people may find it hard to have conversations with their families about death planning, funeral home directors and life insurance agents advise people to plan their last wishes early.
Funeral director and general manager of Brookings-Smith Jim Fernald said having a clear plan for the inevitable and making financial sacrifices to ensure that your family is stable after you pass away helps families focus on remembering and honoring their loved ones.
"It’s so important to have that final farewell and to be able to say goodbye and not feel under distress because of finances for sure," Fernald said.
Fernald said when you lose a loved one, the last thing you want to worry about is how you will first, pay to bury them or how you will second, survive financially in their absence.
In light of the Lewiston mass shooting, Fernald said many families were hit with the burden of an untimely death.
"It was so sudden," Fernald said. "So, they didn’t have a chance to have that conversation so everybody’s just doing their best to move their family forward through a very intense grief process."
Insurance agent Laloma Harris said tragedies like the one in Lewiston are sadly a reminder that death can come at any time.
"We don’t know the day or the hour as to when we will die," Harris said. "I have run across a lot of incidents where families really needed to have been protected by life insurance."
Owner of Kiley and Foley Funeral Service, Joseph Kiley said the cost for a visitation, burial, and funeral service can range from $7,000 to $10,000 or more. Kiley said cremation is also common in Maine, and the cost for cremation services ranges from $1,000 to $7,000 on average.
"When a family knows the plan and it's funded through whatever vehicle—insurance, mortuary trust—having a plan in effect is certainly a less burden on the family," Kiley said. "Knowing that they’re doing the wishes of the individual is really key."
Harris said in order to have an effective death plan, you have to have enough money to not just cover the funeral cost but also cover the life costs your family may need when you are no longer living.
"Most people do not have that kind of money in place," Harris said. "The average American does not have that type of money, a big sum of money, for a problem that happens all of a sudden."
Harris said she often finds that most people believe life insurance isn't needed. She said it's a common misconception that puts families at a disadvantage.
Harris said another misconception she finds is that many people believe that life insurance is for older people. Harris said young adults who are fairly healthy and who have children need life insurance the most.
Harris added that when choosing a life insurance plan, you should choose a plan that is at least five to 10 times more than your annual income.
She said you should also make sure that you choose at least two beneficiaries whom you trust to be responsible for managing the life insurance policy and the funds when you are no longer living.
Harris said life insurance helps financially secure your family, giving them the financial support that is needed for them to experience the same quality of life that they had access to when you were living.
"I have seen families where the breadwinner dies and now the family has to find an alternative way to live in a house, have a car, or whatever responsibilities that the breadwinner's income was taking care of in their life," Harris said.
Kiley said planning ahead by making a will and regularly setting money aside is important because working through the emotions that take over after losing a loved one while simultaneously planning a funeral can be chaotic.
"Once you’re in that situation—you’ve experienced a death, then you start talking about it," Kiley said. "You have all those other things that are causing you the stresses. You have people calling you. You have the emotional side of things, and then if you haven’t had those conversations, then you’re trying to sort out, 'What are we going to do?', 'What did they want?', 'What are the family's needs?'."
Kiley said if you don’t pre-plan and have those uncomfortable conversations, then your family is left guessing when you or another family member dies.
Fernand said pre-planning as much as you can takes the burden of worry away.
"We certainly encourage pre-planning, because it takes so much of the decision-making away, and it does make the 'at need arrangements' easier," Fernand said.