(NEWS CENTER Maine) -- As our children grow into adults, and we continue to age, there comes a point at which the roles reverse and, little by little, they begin to take over the role of caregiver. Depending on the family dynamics, this can be an awkward or even contentious transition. When we perceive that our adult children are overstepping their bounds, we can become withdrawn and resentful. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Jack Burke helps us navigate our way through these uncertain waters.
"I do want to stress that this is a natural turning point," says Burke, "We cared for them. Now they want to care for us. But they will make mistakes without feedback."
Burke goes on to say, "The single best thing I can do for my children is keep my self-esteem in good shape. If I am confident, even in my ability to assess my own mistakes, it will show to others."
Burke offers these examples:
1. Mom asks for help with her IRA. Irrational belief: She must be incompetent about money. Response: I must rescue mom. Feedback: Son, I'm just looking for your advice because I trust you. I can handle this.
2. Mom informs adult children she's dating a "really nice" man. Irrational belief: Mom is going to get hurt and she can't handle hurt. Response: Mom, he's a bum. He's only out for one thing. Feedback: I'm glad you care, but I am fully aware of risk with a new person and I am proceeding carefully. I can handle it.
Book reference: Ellis Albert. A Guide To Rational Living, Wilshire Book 1975.
