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Expressing what you want for Mother's Day and beyond

Dr. Allyson Coffin says if you're happier, the people around you are typically happier. That's why it's important to express what you need.

YARMOUTH, Maine — You've likely heard the phrase: "Happy Wife, Happy Life." While it's tongue in cheek, Dr. Allyson Coffin said there is meaning to keeping the people around you happy. 

As a chiropractor, Coffin believes in full-body wellness, including the mind, body, and soul. But finding balance between what you need and what your family wants can sometimes be tricky. Coffin said it starts with pinpointing what those needs are. 

"A lot of us have wants in our lives, and it can be as simple as: I want my house to be clean once a week, or I want to be able to go on vacation to see my friend and fly there," Coffin explained. 

The tricky thing is managing expectations. 

"Write down what you want," Coffin suggested. 

Maybe there are two or three things you want, so pick the one that's most important to you and decide whether it's workable in your current lifestyle. 

"Can I, with my budget, fly to go see my friend once a year, or do I need to save money so that I can do that and tell my partner, 'Hey I’m gonna have you watch the kids so I can do this by myself,' or, 'I want my house cleaned once a week, I don’t have time for this. And you don’t want to do it, so we want to hire someone to clean the house,'" Coffin said. 

Maybe you can't afford to hire someone once a week to clean your house, so you hire someone once a month. What could you cut back on elsewhere to make room in the budget for that? 

"How can we make this happen? Because it’s going to make me happier, you happier, and it’s going to decrease the stress in our life, and then everyone is a little bit happier," Coffin explained.

Compromising to make everyone happy is important, but maybe focus on the people who matter most in your life. 

"Most people have two or three very important people in their life," Coffin said. "[Maybe] it’s their partner, their kid, and their sister — that’s just an example. Those are the three important people in your life, so you think about: How does it positively and negatively affect those people?"

"Let’s say my husband ... How does it positively affect my husband having my house cleaned? He doesn’t have to do it. It negatively affects him because I’m going to ask him to pay for it," Coffin said with a laugh. 

"Then my kids, how does it help my kids? It makes them more organized and less stressed about their things. How does it negatively affect my kids? They are not responsible for cleaning up their clothes. You can see if that is going to work for you, or if it’s not going to work for you. Also, if it’s going to work for your family, because their happiness is dependent on yours and vice versa," Coffin said. 

Coffin said self-care is important every day, not just on Sunday. Taking care of yourself can be as simple as getting enough sleep, eating food that's good for you, and working out — if that makes you feel more like yourself. Coffin also recommends expressing to your partner, a grandparent, or a friend that you need their help. You can't do it all, nor should you.  

You can find Dr. Allyson Coffin at Align with Wellness in Yarmouth. 

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