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#ListenToME | Tips on talking to your kids

Sometimes getting your kids to talk is a tough proposition. Licensed Family Therapist Jack Burke has some tips to make the conversations easier.

(NEWS CENTER Maine) – After the most recent mass shooting in Parkland, Florida where 17 people were killed by a suspected 19-year-old gunman, students all around the nation have been pushing for change.

Our anchors Pat Callaghan and Cindy Williams sat down with 11 students from all around Maine to listen to what they had to say about safeties in their schools. Most of these kids agreed on safety in their schools is on their mind every day.

The conversation we had with the kids continues past the hour and fifteen minutes when the cameras were rolling. We here at NEWS CENTER Maine encourage you to talk about recent mass shootings with your neighbors, with your lawmakers, and maybe most importantly, with your kids.

We spoke with Licensed Family Therapist Jack Burke for tips on how parents can talk to children about recent shootings and safety in their schools. Here is what he suggested:

  • Begin the conversation by asking about their emotions. Do they feel happy, sad, mad or scared? Parents need to recognize the emotion their kids are feeling, and respect it. Parents need to remember not to feel judgmental.
  • Set a respectful tone. There are no wrong emotions. Remember it’s okay if somebody cries while talking about their mad or sad feelings. It’s healthy to sound angry when feeling anger.
  • Don’t explain unless a question is asked. Don’t defend institutions. Don’t try to “fix” something. An emotion is not a problem. Avoid all vague reassurances. Burke says the second guide “helps decrease anxiety and increase information” by creating data
  • Parents can help reduce the feeling of vulnerability and anxiety by increasing information. You can do this by helping kids brainstorm ideas. Maybe come up with a plan with your child in case there is ever a threat at their school.
  • Show faith in your kids by encouraging them to anticipate for changes in their plan. If they can make adjustments, it’ll make parents and kids feel better.
  • Parents can direct their kids to take action based on their feelings. Maybe write a family letter to a senator, or research the process of successful political action.

Burke also had a few ideas of what not to do. “Nothing will shut kids up quicker than when us parents take off on our favorite political rant. Don’t do it,” Burke explains. He also says it’s discouraging for kids to hear adults say “nothing ever changes.” Instead, show them how together you can make change happen.

The Center for Grieving Children out of Portland also has suggestions on how to talk to a child after a tragedy, such as a school shooting. Here are the five ways they say parents should handle the conversation:

  1. Be available to talk honestly with your child about what happened.
  2. Reassure your child and reinforce their sense of safety.
  3. Monitor your child’s exposure to television images and news coverage.
  4. Connect with your community for support and action.
  5. Access more help if needed.

You can find more information on these tips here.

It is important to keep the conversations with neighbors, lawmakers, schools and kids going.

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